Skinny Bitch vs. Lemons

And the Cleansing begins started the master cleanse or the lemonade diet on Thursday it's pretty narly I have some pounds I wanna loose and frankly this is the most cut throught way to do it and be the skinny bitch I want to be. Here 's the link for any of you who want to check it out:

http://lemonadedietrecipe.org/

it is basically:

concoction:

o 2 tablespoons of freshly squeezed organic lemon juice

o 2 tablespoons of grade B organic maple syrup

o A 10th of a teaspoon of powdered organic cayenne pepper

o Distilled water in 10 oz glasses


and this is all you drink for 10 days straight not to mention the saltwater flush every morning single handedly the worst part and the smooth moves tea you have to drink at night sexy right? not so much.

Well on day three and going strong and the shit literally that is coming out of my body is beautiful I will be a skinny bitch in no time 120 here I come watch out biatches.

More to come

Candy

Jaguars aren't always what you want !!!

And the Scoot does it again never fails a little honk a little waive and they roll up next to you next thing you know they have your digits and you’re on your way to the first date… love the scoot my little scoot has gotten me more dates then I can count on one hand and It hasn’t even had its first birthday yet believe that.

Yesterday was no different and it grabbed a cute boy in a jag believe that asked me out that very night to Thai yuck what is the deal with boys and Thai I just don‘t understand it, anyway I pride myself on getting boys to go where I want to go so we went to the best seafood in town with live music instead. Where he preceded to ramble on about himself for hours, boring…yawn and yawn again

Then when I offered up money at the end of the date which I always do as one of my many are you a keeper tests he said actually you got a few definitely not a keeper, I mean don’t get me wrong I have no problem paying but I am a lady and I am a firm believer in don’t ask me out and take me to a place that you can’t afford on the first date to pay in a full and I mean we even split a plate pathetic

Well anyway did see a few potentials so might have to make a solo appearance there next Wednesday night with just the girls

Signing off for now hope this Thursday treats you and your sex life steamy with a little bit of spice

Candy

Man VS. Flu

I will seek and find you I shall take you to bed and have my way with you I will make you ache , shake and sweat until you moan and groan , I will make you beg for mercy , beg for me to stop , I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you : and when I am finished you will be weak for days . All my love * THE FLU *

Fun Attractive Male seeking Fun Attractive Female yay for me

So I did something a little crazy this morning yes i did I responded to a craigslist ad I know what your thinking crazy I know but this is what the ad said see his picture to the left

"
I don't think you'd have much luck finding another guy quite like me on Craig's List, but I'm hoping that there is one great girl out there who can help prove to me that I made the right decision in posting this! I am going to be moving to the Santa Barbara area in August and am at a point in my life where I would like to enjoy something fun and wonderful with the right girl... although I do enjoy a drink every now and then, I'm not much into the bar scene or asking out random women... and because I don't know anybody in S.B. I guess this just happens to be the forum that makes the most sense! I'm unsure if the type of girl that I'm looking for can actually be found here on Craig's List, but I'm an adventurous person and I suppose it's true what they say... you never know until you try, right?!

About me: I am a 33 year old professional male with a great attitude and a good outlook on life. I'm attractive, athletic with a great body that I take equally great care of, and am a happy and sincere person in all aspects of my life... kind of a goofball at heart once you get to know me! I have a list of things that I'd love to do in this lifetime and all of these things would be so much better if I had a great girl to enjoy them with. As for the technical stuff: I'm five foot eleven, 180 lbs, dark hair and blue eyes... fun and outgoing yet confident and unwilling to settle.

You: are in your 20s or 30s, are physically slender or athletic, and ideally you take care of yourself both mentally and physically in the same way that I do of myself. Like myself, you are also tired of the bar scene and are not the type to settle for "just" anybody, but you would really like to have a guy who is every bit as deserving as you to help you check off the items on your own lifetime "to do" list! Adventure, friendship, passion, an amazing connection both intimately and mentally... all of things that I am looking for and ideally, you are as well.... great friendship/adventure by day, and equally great passion/intimacy by night!

I know that this seems like a lot to ask but I think that I am worth it and want to meet a girl who is equally worth it as well! So, if this sounds like you, take a chance and say hello... I promise that I will respond to all serious replies, though I will also be very honest with you as well about whether this would be a good fit or not. I DO HAVE OTHER PICTURES that I am happy to share if we feel like this may be a good fit, and I am more than willing to share them with you if there's a mutual interest. For now I am posting a couple so that you know what I look like (it's only fair in my opinion) just as I'd hope to know what you look like as well if you respond.

Thanks for reading my novel! I'm sure that you are just as hesitant to reply to a posting on here as I was to even put one up in the first place... I think we are in the same boat here! So, if this sounds like you, drop me a line and tell me about yourself! :-)


HOW COULD I RESIST...LOL i WILL KEEP YOU POSTED WITH mR. CRAIGSLIST

12 step program

I am steeling the 12 step program from my new blogger friend because it is frankly amazing and I seem to have a slight issue with dating 26 year olds who live with one two many room ates who have this slight obsession with skate shoes go figure....out with the old in with the new

Blogger Buzz: Blogger integrates with Amazon Associates

Blogger Buzz: Blogger integrates with Amazon Associates

The Mass Break-Up Text

So who really does this...well I do and let me tell you why I have been dating these three guys and I am sick of all of them

1. the Neighbor (too young)

2. Salty Rim (too old)

3. Tarzan (just not that into it)

what not better way then to just send out one mass text message saying the following

"Hey there I just wanted to let you know I think you are a really nice guy but I just don't think you are the guy for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding what you are looking for and I hope you have the nice rest of you day."

there you go done and done, straight to the point, no clusterfuck of avoiding calls and stringing them along just like ripping off a band aid boom

I feel free and empowered

Something Salty

When you come accross something salty you either lick the rim clean and crave another or simply say sugar please

well I cam across someone very salty and a little spicy about a year and half ago he cam in and out of my life before I could say salty rim never slept together but the chemistry was electric, the dates fun and the conversation effortless then he left

well he seemed to come back but it's all changed everything has changed because what I thought I wanted I want no more and he is not as desirable as he once was although I still love a salty rim i don't want his salty rim no more so I simply said " I love you I release you," don't think he's taking it well

yours truly

Candy Tulane

and here comes the sorry sorry and more sorry throw up

and there is the sorry letter via facebook I might add in all it's glory I think I might have to go throw up now it amazes me how he really thinks he has to be this sorry it's like just don't do it in the first place fucktard I know it was against my better judgement to 1. date someone my own age and 2. date someone who wears skate shoes...lol

"Well I am sorry maybe I shouldn't have went without you. I didn't take your feelings in consideration like I should have. I am sorry and I will try to do a better job, didn't know it would hurt your feelings wasn't even thinking I guess, but I understand where your coming from. Thanks for expressing your feelings now I know and I will think of you from now on. I am really sorry"

The conversation

Talked to the neighbor this am about the park party fiasco and this is how it went down people no words can describe how much I would like to slap him right now how can one be this clueless really really where do I find these losers

Neighbor: yeah baby

Candy:hey

Neighbor:hey sexy? how's work?

Candy: ok i'm a little suprised you went to the birthday party for valentina without me and didn't wait for me to get off

Neighbor: You said you wern't getting off till 4 it started at 1 and i left by 3

O wow it was over by 4 honey if i waited we would have gone to a park with no one there! lol

Candy: It is sweet that you wanted to go but weird that you would go to my friends littkle girls birthday party that you have only met once without me awkard

I know you wanted more

Moved into my first big girl spacious 1 bedroom love love love it started dating me neighbor seemed like a brilliant plan, turned out to be not so brilliant after all big surprise right. The long and short of it is we went out a few times had some not so great something something and something else let’s just say his hammer is not the biggest one in the shed, oh but it get’s better.

The neighbor invited me to a Dodgers game fun right or so I thought? So we all head down there neighbor me and neighbor’s friend and friend’s girlfriend, out of all the fun bars I can think of to go to on sunset before the game where do we go the scariest dive bar I have ever seen in my entire life I mean it has bars on the door and it is so dark and smoky on the inside you can’t even see a foot in front of you. While the guys are 5 beers deep yuck and neighbor starts smoking double yuck I am not about to kiss an ashtray I am sorry… I strut myself up to the bar praying the have patron and lime and throw one back then order myself a margarita thank you god for giving me the gift of patron… the poor little friends girlfriend looks at me wanting one so I proceed to buy her one fun times… When we finally make it to the game at least I have a nice little buzz going on I tell neighbor it would be fun to get a matching Dodgers hat when we get to the store there are so many cute one’s the colors are blue and white perfect with my silk blue top and white seven skinny jeans I find a cute one show it to neighbor and you know what that mother fucker says, “$30.00 that’s way to expensive I bought mine for $5.00, I’m not buying that for you,” cheap ass, oh wait it get’s better so we continue on to the game he can’t even buy me a beer have to borrow money from his friend go buy it by myself, after the game we are walking back to the car he leaves me to walk with the girlfriend, she looses me I am at the Dodgers stadium parking lot in a sea of cars by myself drunk, it’s like really neighbor so fun this security guard in a car comes up to me, “oh honey are you ok,” neighbor is screaming at me on speaker phone how can you not remember where the car is parked I’m like are you fucking kidding me there is thousands of cars here such bullshit I would have left him right there if I didn’t have to be back in Santa Barbara by 8am the next morning. Oh and to too it off I had to hear the hole ride home I am the one with all the drama and he doesn’t need me and all this bull crap such a cluster fuck I can’t even tell you

On top of all that neighbor has single handedly decided to befriend all my friends on facebook oh yes. And when my friend sent out a party invite for her boyfriends daughters 2nd birthday party he single handedly decided to attend the party taking his niece without me to my friends party which I could not attend yes you herd me right, keep in mind he has met my friends once…weird right….. How the hell do I meet these guys???? Awkward

The Beginning….the middle…the never ending… Sex in Santa Barbara

Candy here…or so is my blogger name will go it all started one Sunny Saturday afternoon sitting at Carr Winery in Beautiful Santa Barbara with Ho 2 (That is one of the besties) and skid mark her beau and the others as we single handedly came up with stripper names for each other accompanied by odd jobs mine of course Candy Tulane, and my job because I know you want to know was the manager of McDonalds on the Mesa…lol hey baby you want fries with that Big Mac. To make up your stripper name simply take the name of your first pet and the street you grew up on and put them together.

My mom always said I should have my own realty show because the shit that happens to me you can’t write it is so crazy out of control that people would want to see it know about it and why not the hell blog about it. I am all together sick of my therapist * fired her last week*, the booz is running dry, and frankly all the boys in my phone are boring me to death at the moment.